What is the perfect age gap between children? Doctors recommend having at least two years between pregnancies to avoid complications. They also state if there is more than five years between pregnancies the risk is also higher for complications. Psychologists recommend waiting at least three years for lots of different reasons such as conflicts between siblings and jealousy of the older sibling. They go on to say that a small gap between children puts stress on the parents and can even hinder speech development because the younger child is spending more time with the older sibling than his or her parents.
What happened to just having a baby? Why do we give ourselves all of these things to worry about? I sometimes think too many studies are done on such things and this time and money should be spent on research into more important things such as cancer research and other serious diseases.
As far as age gap, I think it really comes down to personal preference. I had my first two kids less than two years apart. Sure it was hard having two in diapers and all that but I like that they are close in age. It was as if they had a constant play date as toddlers. Six years later I had my third. It was tough getting back into the 'baby' state of mind but she has two older siblings who are there to help her. I think there are pros and cons either way and parents shouldn't put too much thought into planning it and just do it! What do you think? Are you a planner or a just do it kind of girl?
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9 opinions:
My baby is going to stay an only child for a host of reasons that I have no need of divulging to the world.
Our plan was to have two close together - about 2 years apart. That didn't happen.
My sister and I are 6.5 years apart. We didn't get along growing up and have struggled even as adults. I knew for sure that I didn't want a really big gap.
As you say though sometimes you have to let it go. You can't plan it all. You can't even plan how many kids you'll have sometimes. There's a much bigger plan at work.
I think planning is great but then again, we can't always bet on things going according to plan. So I say, just go with the flow :)
My sister and I are 6.5 years apart and did not get along while growing up AT ALL, but now that we are adults we are best friends. I think it doesn't have anything to do with age--I think it has everything to do with personalities.
As far as planning goes, it's not just about pregnancy. We are an adoptive family so planning for number 2 is even more complicated in our case. How long will it take to complete our 2nd adoption? Who knows? It could be a couple months, or it could take years. But I think the most important thing is this: there is no right or wrong. It will all work out as it is supposed to.
My two are only 14 months apart (not planned that way - but we feel very blessed with how things have worked out). When I told people I was pregnant again, everyone was pretty shocked and I got all the "you will be busy" type comments. In fact, I get 2 hours to myself everyday, as both still have long daytime sleeps, and they are starting to play together nicely (will probably change when the 7 month old develops his own mind a bit more). I think you just make the most of whatever age gap you get. We plan to have more children, and would like a bigger gap this time, but if that doesn't happen, we will be fine with that too.
Hate to admit it but we are planners. . . both girls planned around promotions *blush* They are 5 1/2 years apart. What we didn't plan was a 12 yr old going on 2 when we gained custody of one of my stepsons 2 years ago! It was a rocky road but through much love, support and an awesome family therapist my stepson has matured a lot to where his personality reflects his real age now! Yay! My youngest BBGirl is nearing her 8th B'day and I'm thinking it's time to plan our last pregnancy to complete our brood. Not sure how it will work out seeing as how my first 2 pregnancies were at risk. :(
Love your Blog BTW! HAPPY SITS SATURDAY SHAREFEST!!!!!
~SouthShoreChick
I'm like you - my first two were close together (20 months apart) and while it WAS busy, it was great in lots of ways. They older child never got jealous of the baby because he couldn't remember a time before she was there etc.
After a nice long gap and being quite sure that two was IT for us, I had a change of heart and we added one more. The eldest was already at school and my daughter was nearly 4.
It's great. They were both old enough to be excited to have a new brother. There was no jealousy. They both love him to bits and he's like the family "pet" in a way... the older two fight amongst themselves, but are so gentle and patient with their little rbother. Oops, I hear him in the toilet! better run ... you never know what mayhem he'll cause :)
We're in between. I mean, we're planning on when to have our second, but I quickly figured out that reading studies and asking other people's opinions of when the "best" time would be is a bad idea. No other person (outside of my husband knows what is best for OUR family, and that's all that matters!
My sisters and I are 2 years apart. My girls are almost 5 years apart. Only recently have they began to be friends like my sisters and I are. If I could do it again, I would have them a bit closer together.
I think about this topic all the time because like you mentioned there are so many different ways to do it. I had my boys 3 years apart and I liked it that way cuz I was ready to have my second by then. I had enough energy--mentally, physically and emotionally. But now I wonder if closer together would have been better. Like you said, they are better playmates the closer they are in age. But as far as my opinion for folks in general...I don't have one. To each his own I say. There are benefits to every situation. Great post! Love how you always get the conversation going.
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