I recently read a story about a 16-year-old boy who is pressing charges against his mom (yes, his mom) for snooping on his Facebook page. Huh? Apparently this Arkansas mom noticed her son hadn't logged out of his Facebook page one day and decided to check it out. Come to find out, she didn't like what she saw and took it upon herself to change the password and make it unaccessible to him. She says she felt she was doing her motherly duty.
Needless to say, the 16-year-old boy became very upset and decided to press charges against his mother. Prosecutors are now filing harassment charges in this case. Are you serious? Has anyone ever been brought to court for looking at their child's diary? This may be an invasion of privacy (which is a whole different issue) but court?
Now, of course we do not know the whole story here, but are they for real? Is taking something like this to court opening up a whole new issue as far as privacy issues and kids online? I firmly believe that new rules have to be made with the new world we are living in today. We have a whole new world to deal with, a virtual one. I think things can really get out of hand if some real thought-out rules are not put into place real soon.
Would you take the opportunity to take a peak into your 16-year-old's Facebook page if you had the chance? If you saw something you didn't like what would you do? Would you go the route this mom did or would you do something different?
If you are interested in reading this story it is located here.
Mom being charged for harassment by son
Posted by Dalia (Generation X Mom) Labels: technology, teens
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19 opinions:
My 16yo daughter has both a FB and a Myspace account. I made sure that they were both private (to anyone other than her friends), and I have the password. I told her that I would occasionally check, and if I saw something I didn't like, it needed to be deleted. It's worked out well. But, I am blessed to have a great teenager :)
I think parents should check on their kids.
My SS is only 11, so he isn't on FB yet. He knows that we monitor his internet usage, and I read through his text messages all the time. It isn't that I am being "nosy" but Hubby and I just want to make sure he isn't talking to someone he shouldn't be, or up to something. I know there will come a time when he will push the boundries, but we feel that if he knows now that he basically has no "privacy" it will be less of an issue as he gets older.
I think this Mom is right, I think the main issue with this story is that she doesn't have legal gaurdianship or her son, her mother does.
I have and I will again. If I see something I don't like (language,etc.) I talk to her about it and ask if that's the way she wants to present herself. I have temporarily locked her out of accounts when she is grounded. When she was hanging out with some kids I had real issues with and she was grounded by her actions with them, I changed her status to "Middlests' parents don't play" just so they would get the message too. We have to be vigilant about our rights as parents. If something like this goes on it is a real challenge to our authority over our own kids.(Sorry, "ranty" nerve touched there I guess!)
Another interesting dilemma I know I am going to fac one day! When I was a teenager I kept a diary and realized after a few comments my mother made about things she could not otherwise have known about, that my mother had discovered it and was reading it. I remember being mortified but also very angry that she had invaded my privacy and once started had continued to do so.
I think you do have to try not to cross certain boundaries with your children - if you want to know what they are doing then you need to work on your relationship with them and talk to them. The internet of course is a whole other ball game as it is a matter of protecting your child against the dangers that are out there and so usage of any site like FB needs to be discussed and monitored I think. it's a whole new world!
I don't have teens yet, but I do have teenage step kids. However, it's not my place to deal with this stuff with their computer usage.
With my children, I plan to give them the opportunity of privacy. BUT, if they start showing signs that they may be engaging in self destructive behaviour such as drug/alcohol abuse, eating disorders, self harm, for example, or if I'm worried about the company they are keeping, I do believe I will snoop if they aren't communicating with me.
That said, I'm not comfortable with the thought of my kids using facebook until they're adults either. I have no idea if it's possible to acheive that or not, but time will tell.
I think case is ridiculous!
We look at our daughter's stuff all the time. I think it's our responsibility to make sure that she is using the gifts she is given responsibly. Facebook, phones, etc. are not a right, they're a privilege, and one I'm paying for. We are very upfront about this with our daughter, so it's not snooping, it's parenting. I wish that my parents had gone through my notes when I was a teen. It may have saved me from a lot of pain. And I'm just lucky I made it out alive. Others weren't so lucky.
As a side note, I'm not sure how I feel about a diary. I think it's a little more private, as it is someone's thoughts. If someone doesn't keep a diary, there's no way to know what he/she is thinking...
My daughter is 10 and. doesn't have any. accounts yet - not for a while. I think the key to these situations is to let your kids know upfront what your rules are and to have their passwords. I'm not a big supporter of reading diaries because they're so personal, but Facebook is not personal. If someone else can read it, so can I. If there's something on my child's FB account that I didn't agree with I would talk to her and make her be accountable and remove it herself.
The story is absurd and hopefully she won't be charged...
My younger sister, who's 12, has a Facebook page and I'm all over it. I report back to our father when I see something that I think is inappropriate. He then sits down with her to review what she's posted.
I hope to have another set of eyes when my kids are teenagers because you're darn tootin' I'll be watching/reading them wherever they are!
I like Shelley's ideas - my kids aren't teenagers yet (far from it) but I think it has to be easier of you lay down the ground rules from the start.
But in saying that - I think this whole story is way out of whack. It IS a parent's job to protect their child; if that mum saw stuff she didn't like, there's no way it should EVER come to court, for doing her job as a mother. Seriously, this is sending WAY the wrong message to teenagers. It's extremely scary and another erosion of the rights of parents to raise their kids the way they think is best.
speechless...about this story...this should not have been a problem in the first place! I don't think I'm going to have kids...jk but still...scary!
I won't comment on the subject of privacy with children and technology because that's something I'm sure you'd have to be a parent to understand (I'm not, and as much as I love parenting and child-rearing, I think that's something I really couldn't give much insight on.)
As far as the boy's attorney goes, he's probably just trying to gain notoriety. Just like whoever took the case when the woman sued McDonald's because the coffee she spilled on her lap was too hot.
Okay...I will talk about privacy. I remember being a teenager, and I was easily embarrassed. I know that had my mother read my journal or my IM's on AIM/Yahoo, I would've felt awful! I wasn't doing anything wrong, but it was just the principle. I'm sure my mom snooped, though.
However...if you snoop, just keep it to yourself. Make mental notes of your findings. Otherwise, the child can just make another Facebook account/use another diary/leave a fake diary.
This would've never happened had the mother not changed his password. She should've kept her snooping to herself.
But once again, I'm not a parent :o).
You better believe I'd check it!! My girls are only 4 and 2, but with the internet being a virtual goldmine for pedophiles, I don't trust OTHER people. I hope I'll be able to trust my girls. And if I didn't like what I saw, I'd make them change their website/FB, etc.
Happy Saturday Sharefest (I'm stopping by from SITS) :)
To answer your question, Yes I would look at my daughter's FB page if it was open. If I didn't like what I saw, I would talk to her about it. Truthfully, it wouldn't have occurred to me to change her password. Though I think that's a pretty creative solution. Being sued for harassment is over the top. I hope it is thrown out of court before it gets too far. Sounds like some lawyer trying to make some money or a name for him/herself.
I think that the problem isn't looking at the FB page (he DID leave the account open), but the mom changing the password so he couldn't access it is over the top. I would discuss the problems that I had with the FB page with my soon-to-be an adult son and go from there.
I like the idea of having my children's passwords so I can check if I feel the need. But I'd be upfront with that agreement.
And we plan to have a "family" computer -- no computers in their rooms. So it's harder to be sketchy or get into sketch situations.
Yes, I would check my kids' accounts.
If I saw something that raised a red flag, I would sit down and have a chat with them.
Our relationship, so far, is such that we can talk and not hit that "I'm not listening" wall.
Eldest is only 12, but no cell phone (yet) except mine or dad's, when she's after school.
Computer kept in main part of the house, so no sneaking around there.
No social networking sites yet - I don't think she's old enough.
Youngest is 8, so this stuff isn't an issue yet.
Re: the case though, if Grandma has the boy, then there are some issues already between him and his mother. Some mothers are definitely crazy and should not be in sole charge of their children. I don't know if that's the situation, here.
That said, I think the mom should have talked with her son before changing his password, etc. Or sat down with him and grandma, since he lives with grandma, and had this talk.
Who pays the bills for the son's computer/cellphone/whatever?
I really think, if you can keep an honest relationship with your kid/s, you will likely be able to talk this sort of thing over rather than resorting to changing passwords, etc.
Our society is so litigious and it's disgusting. This so-called "case" should never have even gotten started, based on the little we know right now. I'm curious to know if mom is a danger to her son? Is this why he felt compelled to file charges? Wonder if we'll ever know!
Good gosh, what next? Is it any wonder laywers have a bad rep?
My teenager has a FB and I am her friend-otherwise she would not have one! I will tell her when things are inappropriate and to delete them. And it is private, too.
Internet usage is much different than a private journal. It is my duty as a parent to monitor it for creeps. Would you let random starngers in your teeens room each night? That is what a computer does.
This lawyer should tell the kid to go home and thank his mom for caring.
Really? I think the mother was doing her job as a mother! My kids aren't old enough to be there yet, but once they do it will be a requirement that we have access and can and will check it. I can't believe the courts feel the need to step in....it's ridiculous!
I would be my daughter's Facebook friend and make her have Internet access in only a common area of the house. As far as snooping - I won't do it. My mother read my diary daily when I was a teenager and it was a really bad blow to our relationship. It took away my ability to honestly write what was going on in my life because she punished me for what she read in there. I just think there are better, more honest, ways to know what your kids are doing.
I thought this was sad. The matter of him driving at high speed was more serious than him posting it on fb They should have taking his keys.
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