As a child I remember their being some things that parents were encouraged to know before leaving their kids at a friend's house. The question of dogs may have come up and parents were (and still are) encouraged to always ask if there are guns in a house before leaving their kids to play.
My 4-year-old just recently had her first real play date. I dropped her off at a preschool friend's house. All of a sudden paranoia started taking over. There are so many more things to think about when leaving your child somewhere today. Does your child's friend have older siblings? Is the father home? Is there a computer in your house? Are the prescription medications locked up? How about the Robitussin? Any of that in the house? Oh, and what about the hairspray, the computer cleaner, any paint cans? By the way, do you have any registered sex offenders living nearby?
The paranoia can completely take you over. It is a wonder we leave our kids anywhere. Sure, we teach our kids right from wrong, but can you really teach a young child some of these things? Who is to say an older sibling and his/her friends will not be there maybe overdosing on Robitussin or huffing from hairspray cans?
In all reality we cannot keep our kids in a bubble. We have to let them grow and learn and have the fun that we did as children. My daughter had a great time and the only issue was a dog, I can take that!
Do you pre-screen houses before dropping of your kids? Maybe a metal detector? Or, how about a police dog to sniff out drugs?
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I'm not at that stage/age yet, mine is just 20 months old but I do that with the day care, and when I was interviewing them, call me paranoid but I'd rather be at peace and considered "that" mom then not doing what will set my heart at ease.
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I was just saying to my husband yesterday that I'm not looking forward to the "drop the kid off at someone's house for a sleepover" phase...because of this kind of thing. I am not paranoid or overprotective. That's not it at all. I just really need to know and trust the parents before I would ever leave my kid at someone's house. But you are right...there is a point at which we can't protect our kids from everything. We just have to be smart about it, and make sure our kids are smart about it, too!
Yeah, I haven't ventured into thinking about this yet. My 3.5 year old hasn't even stayed the night anywhere without one of his parents (not even at family members' houses!). The only place he spends regular time without us is daycare. We don't even have a sitter for evenings.
I do think, though, that we can teach our kids to be responsible for their own safety. I make sure to explain consequences to my son rather than just locking things away from him. I let him know that "If you handle that knife, you could cut yourself and it will hurt and bleed and you will cry." As long as he has a clear idea of what could happen, his curiosity is usually appeased. I imagine we'll need to work on some peer pressure resistance as he gets older, though.
Good points. I wouldn't think to ask if there are any guns in the house.
I should start writing these things down for when I DO have kids. :-)
Hmmm...I think I do remember the gun issue coming up once a long time ago. It was awkward, but I did talk to the other parents about it. My boys are now 12 and 15. They've spent plenty of time at friends' houses over the years, although they both prefer to have friends over here. It's noisy and chaotic much of the time with a houseful of boys, but I love that they want to have their friends over and that I usually know what's going on.
I think a lot of this comes down to educating your own kids, sharing your values with them, and then trusting them when they're at someone else's house.
There is one house my younger son doesn't want to go to anymore...because he went to a sleepover there, and the mom served the kids bags of Doritos for breakfast! He was totally appalled (and starving by the time he came home).
Sue
It depends on where I meet them. If I meet them at church I assume certain things. If I meet them at school I am a little more cautious.
At age 5 I still don't do the drop off thing until I know the people really well. I had two neighbors at my old house with children of the same age as my daughter. They have been the only non-family members to have Julia's company without me tagging along. It will be really interesting when she starts kindergarten and I'm expected to drop her off for play dates. I wonder if it would be okay for me to just take a quick look around before I leave her?
I have only ever left my 3 year old daughter with one friend, who I know well and whose house I visit often and whose son is her age and one of her closest friends. Even then it has only been for a couple of hours but she was perfectly happy as she knows my friend really well.
I would never leave her at someone's house if I did not know them well or if my daughter did not. I think that will remain the case for me until she is much older.
We can't keep our kids in a bubble? Who says? I'd like to have a word with them in private. All of these things FREAK ME OUT! It IS a lot to think about, but I think that as responsible adults/patents, it's necessary that we do. Jeez Louise...and I thought the middle-of-the-night feedings was the hardest part...
...and for the record...that was supposed to read "parents" not "patents".
We just moved into a new neighborhood, so last week was the first time my SS met any of the neighborhood kids. I had met the father once before, but I told my SS he could go over and play, but he had to stay outside. I told him once we knew the parents better then he could go inside to play. I have a feeling that my Hubby and I are going to be dealing with a lot of this in the up coming months as my SS meets more kids.
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I haven't got to the "drop them off" playdate yet, but I do worry about all of these. Including when I drop them at my own parents...
I always try to have a get-together with the mom before just leaving my kid. I want to get a feel for who they are and what they are like. And then I pretend to leave but really just hide and look through the windows. ;o)
Stopping by from SITS :)
Hello! Stopping by from MandyP page! Im a new follower! Cant wait to read more!
I do not pre-screen, I am really particular, however can count on one hand how many times my daughter has been to other kids houses. We just have everyone come over here!!
I am not at that stage yet either, but it does make me think and I will probably have just as many concerns as you!
I am now following you from MBC/FFF and I hope you will come by and follow back as well!
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