Are parents too caught up in the desire for their kid to be "popular"? Of course parents want the best for their children but in what way? I see it all the time. Parents wrapped around the fingers of their kids. The need to make sure they have the latest clothes, toys, and electronics. Parents stressing themselves right out if their kid doesn't do every extracurricular activity or is on every sport's team. Do these parents seriously think that their child will not be popular if they don't have everything? Parents are letting their kids do things that in all actuality they may realize really isn't the right thing to do, but not doing it may decrease their popularity.
Parents of tweens are afraid of embarrassing their kids by calling and checking who will be at a party or asking about what exactly will be going on at the house they are leaving their tween at. Parents think, "but what will they think of him or her tomorrow at school if he or she cannot sleep there this weekend?" "If I don't let her have a Facebook page what will her friends think". Parents of younger children feel the need to always keep their kids busy with friends and play dates. In no way would they let a school break go by without at least four different activities planned.
In my opinion, all these parents are doing is setting their kids up for a tough life of jealousy and never being happy. Why do some parents feel this need to make their kid's popular? My thought is let kids be themselves. Real is never wrong.
Parents too caught up in wanting their kids to be popular
Posted by Dalia (Generation X Mom) Labels: kids, popularity, tweens
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I was at lunch with my 3rd grader the other day and two boys were arguing about a supposed comment on their facebook pages regarding a girl. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!! I can't tell you how many kids are on FB. Ridiculous! Get outside and throw a football! (So you will leave me alone to FB and blog.) ;)
My aunt would always waive off the things my cousin did as "Oh that's what kids these days do." Now my cousin has such a desire to be "cool" she lets people walk all over her. Her supposed friends stole $40 and her cell phone and left her stranded at a party, and she is only 14! But they are still her "friends." I would rather have no friends at all then friends like that.
OH this is such a great post! I completely agree. I always want my little girl to be herself. I want to teach her to be an independent thinker! Thanks for the perspective.
Love your post! I am so tired of hearing my 7 y/o twins ask for a DS, because EVERYONE has one! It's a $200 dollar toy-times 2! Plus accessories! And games!
And yet, their friends parents buy them for all two or three of their kids.
My oldest, who is almost 15, bout her own Gameboy back in third grade. WHen she wanted a better one, we sold it for her on Ebay and helped her buy the next one.
She has purchased almost all of her own electronics. Yeah, I'm the "mean mom". Her first iPod lasted three years!
We have an old 1999 acr in the driveway waiting for her to use when she drives. She looks at her daddy and me in horror! Two of her friends on her street are supposedly going to get their daddy's old Lexus' when they drive.
I DON'T DRIVE A LEXUS!
Oh, and I embarrass my DD by asking for a LANDLINE for any party, and I still do not let her go to parites with boys. I ask to meet the parents before I let her into a strange home.
I am not a Gen X mom, I am a 45 year old parent who stays involved.
And do not get me started on the activity thing! That's another rant!
Is that what I have to look forward too? My oldest is just a kindergartner!
It's a tragic commentary.
I was the kid who didn't get everything that the other kids had. It was definitely hard at times and I did get teased. But I also learned that if people only wanted to be friends with me for what I had, or because I could follow the trends, then I was probably better off without.
My 3 year old daughter goes to preschool for 2 hours every Monday, Wednesday and Friday in the morning. We tried ballet class as some of her friends were doing it but she did not like it and so we stopped. So we don't currently have any other activities. Some of my Mom friends are constantly rushing their kids from one activity class to another - one friend has a 5 year old daughter and 3 year old son who often have 2 activity classes each in the afternoon after being at preschool from 9am until 2pm! This friend is constantly running around and I hate to think of the monthly cost for all these activities and all the clothes etc required in addition She is a Mom who prefers to be out and about and not at home playing with her kids or letting them play on their own. As a result her children will grow up continuing to expect constant entertainment. So where I am going with this is to say sometimes it all starts because the parents want to keep their kids entertained but don't want to do it themselves.
I totally agree with you! I often wonder when the Parent stops parenting and becomes the friend??!! It drives me CRAZY when I see this. I will forever be my childs PARENT first and friend second. It's my job to make them a better person, not the most popular. So glad I am not the only one =)- Denice
I know many of those "activities moms". It only gets worse as kids get older, because now playing ball isn't the goal, it's the "traveling team" or the "dance troupe" or the "gymnastics meets". Good gosh, you either have to be rich or work FT to do all of these things!
It isn't easy to find someone for my twins to play with-everyone is so busy after school!
I have always limited my children's activities. I have no help and I am only one person. My twins take the same class-this winter it was art. We have Hebrew school on Sunday and my DD2 has Girl Scouts, where I am the leader.
MY oldest DD has Hebrew High and BBYO-a Jewish youth group. I also limited her activities to religious school. scouts, a fall sport and the free after-school clubs.
Stand firm and know that you are not alone when you say "No".
My husband and I actually laugh about this. Neither of us were popular in school and we both feel like we benefited from this.
But our oldest son has the personality and the charism neither of us ever had. Already you can see he will be popular, which we find funny. And if he's not, oh well, we love him.
We also laugh about the fact that we already have him hooked on every old 80s cartoon you ever heard of, carebears, duck tales, gummy bears and more. We joke about how he's going to get to school talk about his favorite cartoons and just get these blank stares! LOL Poor guy we are ruining him!
My theory is that parents who press popularity as importance in their household are the ones who never attained it in high school OR were popular and thought it was the be all and end all of life. It's sad, really, that people still don't realize popularity and things won't bring happiness.
I think that I will leave it up to my kids to be popular or not. I don't plan on obsessing over their "status" of cool or not. My parents are divorced. One house was that way, one house was the other. I can tell you that the house that wanted me to be miss popular just made me really insecure. I always felt pressure to have friends and like I was failing them all of the time.
I hate to quote Dr Phil but he says we are raising adults, not kids; with the end objective in mind we have to determine which actions contribute to our kids being solid, contributing & confident members of society- that may not be a X box, maybe it is, but keeping up with the 'joneses' isn't a good way to determine that. so many parents are looking for a formula or guide to raise kids and looking next door is rarely the right place to start :)
While my daughter is still a baby, I hope to not fall into that trap. After all, I was most definitely NOT popular, and I turned out okay.
Agreed. The sickening aspect is that it becomes more prevalent in high school: Drinking, parties, boyfriends, clothes, ASB, kissing up to coaches, etc. to make their kids popular.
"I'll let them drink while they're at my house where I can watch them." Or this doozie, "You can drink a little bit (to a 15 yo), but control yourself."
Ugh!
Alot of parents now are also buying their kids all these "things" to make up for not being able to spend time with them...which to me is absolutely ridiculous!
I am seriously scared of my kiddo being out there...he is a little immature/innocent (or you could say he acts his age) and the other kids are a little too knowledgeable. I have no intention of trying to make him popular...I am kind of thinking I will buy him all the video games he wants if he will just stay home. To some parents it is just an extension of their ego...I always think of Breakfast Club and the wrestler geek taping the butt incident when I think about parents reliving their youth/pushing kids for their own egos.
Please. My dad walked into my eighth grade dance walked past me and went straight to the DJ table to have my name announced. And thought it was funny!
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