This year my youngest is "due" to start kindergarten. Notice I say "due". Who was the person who made up the age of when kids should start school? Will I be hauled off to jail if I decide that I am just not ready to send her? Yes, she is completely ready. She would get on the big yellow bus today if she could. See, she is my third. She has an older brother and sister (10 and 12), so she loves to keep up with them and is basically 4 going on 14. She actually did the laundry this morning. That is how independent and capable she is. So why am I second guessing sending her off to kindergarten? Here it is (if it makes any sense).
I never gave a second thought to my older two kids starting kindergarten. It was time, they seemed ready, okay big yellow bus, here we come. Now that my oldest is in middle school and my second is about to start middle school I have different feelings about this. Would it have hurt them if they had started a year later? I don't think it would have at all. I think they would have been that much older when facing the issues they are facing in middle school now. One year can make a huge difference in a kid's social and emotional outlook and understanding. Sure, maybe it wouldn't make that much of a difference for some, but I don't think waiting that one more year is going to hurt them in any way, it can only be better in the long run.
The thing is, most of us when sending our kids to kindergarten for the first time are not thinking of middle school. We are thinking of whether or not they are ready for kindergarten. In no way are we thinking about six years down the road. I think this should be taken into consideration along with the usual questions of whether or not they can sit still for 15 minutes and listen or have a basic knowledge of their abc's.
People look at me like I am crazy when I mention the question of sending her. True, maybe I just want to keep her young one more year, one more year from the frightening challenges of middle school. I do think that a child's grade is what determine's their age. By this I mean no matter what age your child starts 6th grade for instance, they will adapt the knowledge and way of a 6th grader. So whether she starts at 10 or 11, she will morph into a middle schooler learning and being exposed to the middle-school life.
Have you looked back with your child and wished you had waited a year? What are your thoughts on waiting a year?
Who says my daughter has to start kindergarten?
Posted by Dalia (Generation X Mom) Labels: kindergarten
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19 opinions:
I'm not sure. It never occured to me to keep mine home for another year. My only concern would be what would happen socially. If she is a full year older than the others in her class that could lead to questions and teasing later on in school.
My son was not ready for kindergarten, I kept him out another year and we played at preschool one more year. For me that was the biggest mistake we made. He will be 18 the September before he graduates. I have my doubts he will stay in High School. He will probably sign himself out and go for it on his own. This worries me to death he is a strong obstinate independent boy. I am proud of him. His inner strength that I admire so much though is my worst enemy too.
Why not consider 'home school' for kindergarten? Or- do what you are thinking. Another year to strength family values and other things of importance can only help (especially since 'smarts' isn't in question). Not meaning to offend the previous commenter's but, socialization will happen, it's not like you are putting your child in a dungeon for the next 10 years (plus it's over rated, you see how kids are today, why rush for them to be like 'that'), second in the whole scheme of life (really) what is one more year. Maybe in the 12th grade they'll wish they were a year younger 'like everyone else' but a few years beyond and they will be fine. I think that each person/family does what they are peaceful with and you have to believe in your decision, I would say there is a reason you feel as such and that should be the only opinion that reigns. Thanks for sharing- I 100% understand. My daughter is approaching 4 and the other mom's that have started preschool say they wish they waited another year.
It never even occurred to me, and I have no doubt my two sons were both ready, even my oldest who has an August birthday and is one of the youngest on his class (Delaware's age cut-off is August 31). They both loved school right away (and still do) and really love the social aspects. In fact, people sometimes ask me whether I've considered home schooling them (they both have a chronic illness), but there's no way I'd do that - they both get so much out of being in school with their peers.
I think it's a very individual thing.
As for me, I was happy to welcome more time alone and writing time when my youngest got on that school bus!!
Sue
I've talked to my mom about this because I have a child who is close to the cut-off. She is a retired elementary school teacher, and has seen this trend growing through the years. She said that there isn't conclusive research one way or the other, but that you do need to think about a child at the other end...looking at 19 and still in school with kids who can't drive and haven't hit puberty. She also said that - regardless of where kids' birthdays fall or whether or not they went to preschool...that all kids even out and catch up with one another by 2nd or 3rd grade.
I kinda agree with the first comment. Middle school was a nightmare for me and I think if I had been a year older than everyone else it would have been much much worse. Puberty is the worst. With that being said, every child is different.
Well I can't say I understand, my oldest is just about to turn 3 in a couple of weeks. Though, when I think of her going to school and the fact that our youngest will be about 3 when Channah goes to school, is very depressing for me.
I believe it to be up to the parents and the choice should be made per each child's mental and emotional state.
You do what you feel best for your child. Don't worry about what others think/believe.
Here in PA we don't even have to send our kids to kindergarten legally. Nothing is required until 1st grade. I think my daughter's March b-day puts her in a good place to start in the fall. She won't be the oldest or youngest in her class. I can't imagine what we'd do if I held her back another year!
I was so upset when my daughter missed the cut-off by two days. I *knew* that she was ready...she had all the skills plus more that she needed.
Yet the best thing I ever did was accept that cut-off date and not fight for her to go early. What I didn't know what that she simply wasn't ready emotionally nor socially. She has thrived in school and has a much easier time than her sister who made the cut-off.
I think it's great that you are looking beyond the tradional time of sending her and considering what might actually be best for her.
I'm sure you will make the best decision for your daughter...just trust yourself.
My kiddo was born too late in the year to go to kindergarten with the kids born in his year. I was worried about it at first, but I think it was absolutely for the best. Waiting a year never hurt anyone.
I believe that you should do what you think is best for your child.
~Stopping by from SITS to say welcom
I love this! And what I love about it is that you're actually taking the time to stop and think about what you're doing and why you're doing it! Most people just go about life, doing what everyone else is doing, without giving it another thought. Oh, my child is five....that means it's time for Kindergarten! Why does it mean that?
I had a lot of kids in my classes growing up that were a year older. We all thought they were the coolest, and they were always better in class and at sports.
Also, I personally think that the more influence you have when they are young, the better. :)
Good luck with your decision!
I think you points are very valid... I think my step-son is going to have a rude awakening when he hits middle school next year, but I don't think if he was a year older that would make it any easier. I think that it may cause issues down the line when they are older than all of their classmates. We had a few kids like that in my high school, and people just assumed they were stupid and had been held back, which in most cases, wasn't true.
I think that you have a good point. I have never thought about it but now I'm going to think long and hard. Right now my daughter is 2 and she stays at home with me and I have been thinking about home schooling.
I need to consider all options cause like you said they will adjust once they are in older grades.
I was actually fortunate because my son's birthday was in October making him almost six at the start of Kindergarten. He is a smaller child and I thought (and still do) a lot about how his middle school years will go. If he had not already been almost a year out, I would have held him back. My daughter is a February birthday and I will have to think about it when she is of age. I really believe this a time for parent's gut instincts. Good post!!!
:-)
Traci
I don't think age is necessarily an indication of how well the kid will do.
I was the same age as most of the kids in my grade and had a horrible school career. It was torture going. It would have been the same if my parents would have started me at 6.
The cool kids were a mix of younger, same, and older kids. So age doesn't mean much.
If you feel it's right to wait. Go for it. It can go either way. But don't keep her home because you don't want to let go.
My husband actually started kindy late, and he claims that being a year older than everyone else in his class for the rest of his education was hard. He felt he was seen as the "dumb kid" not just by classmates and peers, but by teachers too. I'm sure that would vary from school to school, but in his case it was def. not a help.
@Bree, I was homeschooled, and there was NOT a lot of socialization. There just wasn't a whole lot of other people in our area doing it. There also weren't a lot of organized non-school sports.
(And my parents were very religious, and very protective of who I spent time with)
I think it really depends on the area you're in, and what kind of support network there is for homeschoolers. I know it can sometimes be a valuable experience, but I think a lot of people jump into it without fully considering all the potential pitfalls.
I started my kids a year late because they weren't ready mentally or emotionally at age 5. They've done very well. My son started middle school this year and hasn't had any problems about his age. It might help that he's shorter than most boys his age and most boys younger than him. He has his short mama to thank for that.
When I look into the future when my kids are in their 20s, I don't see how being a year older when they started school will matter. There are much bigger issues in life.
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