There has been a ton of talk lately about bullying ever since the Phoebe Prince tragedy. My turn to put my two cents in...
Why do you think bullies are the way they are? We all know that bullies have been around for years and years, from pushing kids into a locker to now terrorizing online. Do you think kids are raised this way, being taught hatred and animosity? Maybe it is something genetic and they are born with the ability to torment another person in this way? They do say that serial killers have some sort of genetic makeup in their brains that makes them the way they are (or did I see this on a Criminal Minds episode).
Some are blaming the social networking. I am not sure we can really blame technology. Technology is part of our (and face it, our kid's) new life. It is here to stay and we all unfortunately need to learn how to work with it. Some parents insist their kids will not participate in social networking sites. So far I have been able to keep my kids from these types of sites, but I am real and know that eventually they will be on social networking sites (believe me, I am not looking forward to it). Rather than prohibit (which usually ends up kids sneaking) we have to teach and monitor.
Sure, we can all blame something or someone (sometimes that makes us feel better) but all in all do you think what we need to do is teach our kids and monitor our kids? We are all so busy these days that we can sometimes lose track of all of this. Family dinners! Make time for family. Keeping in communication with your kids sounds so cliche, but it is huge! And, tell your kids sometimes it is okay to 'tattle tale' (when it is going to save a life).
Now tell me your two cents! My hope is that all the talk will bring something good out of such a terrible thing.
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13 opinions:
This topic hits home with me. I was bullied all through middle school. Nothing too terrible, but enough that it destroyed my fragile self-esteem until later in high school.
This is one of my chief concerns with sending my kids to school (public or private). Yes, there will be mean things said and done to my children throughout their lives, and, no, I can't shield them from everything, but it's just SO easy to taunt and tease these days...and the level of meanness has really changed from even when I was in school (and it's really not been THAT long...) Cyber bullying is definitely the new trend. How pathetic that one little girl hung herself because a piece of trash "mom" created a fake myspace account just to terrorize her????? Really?!
I think we do need to make family time a priority. We do need to be open with our kids and ready to hear them-no matter how uncomfortable it may be. That's what I'm trying to work on, anyway. It's certainly no easy task!
As usual...a great post!
I don't think you can "blame" this on social networking. I guess it could make it easier, and give bullies another way to acces their victims. I think a lot of people bully others because they don't feel good about themselves. I was "the fat kid" most of my life, and the first bully I remember was a kid from elementary school who was color blind and he wore glasses with bright red lenses. He made fun of me, so others wouldn't focus on what was wrong with him.
Research has demonstrated that often a child who bullies has been subjected to bullying at home. That child in turn then bullies their own children later in life and so the cycle continues.
I was bullied at school and like Mandy P although most of the time it was not too terrible it destroyed my self confidence and knocked my already low self esteem even lower. My parents never really discussed school with me, other than my grades and exam results. Ours was not a household for open discussion and so I never told them about the bullying and so they never understood why it was I went through a period of rebellion.
So I hope that when my daughter starts school and as she goes through her school years I can be a different parent, asking her about all aspects of school, looking out for signs of unhappiness and teaching her how to deal with such incidents that undoubtedly will occur at some point
I was bullied in school, too, and while it was sad and upsetting, I don't remember it ever going to some of the lengths I hear about today.
While social networking does allow "easy access" to the victims, and a level of anonymity that might give the bullies a false sense of bravado, I also think parenting (or lack thereof) comes into play.
I think a vast percentage of today's youth is so desensitized to violence, cruelty, etc, that they just don't understand the real-life consequences of some of their actions. It's a pity. And can lead to tragedy.
Once when I was in the third grade, another little girl persuaded me and my best friend to tell another little girl "I hate you and Carolyn does too." We each went up to this poor girl and said this until finally Carolyn herself (not the one who orchestrated this event) went up and told her that she hated her. The little girl ended up in tears. I think about how awful it was that I did that all of the time. Hopefully it will help me be able to raise a child that is more understanding of others feelings.
I was a good kid and did that so I think sometimes it's not all serial killer personalities, it's just peer pressure and people being mean to each other.
I think it's for all sorts of reasons - either a chemical imbalance or their home life. Sometimes children don't know how to express themselves and act out in anger.
I think its worse now with the social networking sites because it can feel "all encompassing". The kids feel like they can never get away from it, not to mention there's probably more people ganging up on someone online vs at school. A teacher can break up a crowd of kids bullying one, but no one can break up Facebook. I'm sure those poor kids feel like it'll never stop.
I still don't know the answer myself so I asked my 14 year old her opinion. She said she thinks it does have something to do with the way you are raised and taught to judge others or with which social groups you link yourself to. She says she thinks most of it is spurred by competition. She also said someone threw cheese at her head today and you can't do that technologically!
My mother always told me that bullies are mean to people because they feel badly about themselves and have problems at home. At one point, I actually felt sorry for the kids who were being mean to me because I figured that they had much larger issues they were dealing with privately.
I'm not sure what creates a bully, but I do think that it's something incredibly hard to blame on just ONE thing. I think it is usually a combination of negative influences in a child's life that causes him or her to become a bully. Unfortunately, it is almost never the child's fault. :(
Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!
Bullies are weak people who prey on the innocent, in my opinion. They are lacking something, and think by lashing out at another they will feel good about themselves. Social networking has nothing to do with it.
And the Phoebe Prince story really angers me. It's sad when children bully one another, but for a parent to partake in the bullying is just horrific.
Excellent post.
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
As a teacher, I feel that bullying comes from a feeling of low self-worth. While I never tolerated anything in my classroom, things happened on the playground during lunch that I needed to deal with.
So many parents are out of touch with their children and what they do. They have the "not my kid" syndrome, that their little princes and princessses can do no wrong.
My two girls have had situations that I needed to step into. FOr my almost 15 year old, it happened in fourth grade and I went to the homes of the two girls. One was full of excuses, the other was sorry.
I got the reputation of not messing with my daughter because I will go to your home!
In kindergarten last eyar, my DD2 had issues with another girl...a princess in every definition of the word, who was very jealous of my DD2. I spoke ot the mom and whle it helped, what helpoed more is having them in different classes this year.
We eat dinner together seven nights a week. We talk about school and the actions of others.
Bottom line, you have to be in touch with your children and what they are doing.
While I do believe that there are some naturally mean people, they have illnesses. Bullies are just living what they learn.
I think that bullying is the product of several factors including but not limited to bad parenting and bad societal influences. Tragedies like this one are indescribable. I'm full of sadness for everyone involved.
http://www.spanitz.com/artman/publish/article_211.shtml contains a link to a review of "The Everything Parent's Guide to Dealing with Bullies," a good resource for the kinds of bullies you run into. For some, it really isn't all about the bully's low self-esteem - it's more about power, and "Look what I can make you do."
Either way, the bully needs to be told up front and in no uncertain terms that his/her behavior is unacceptable.
Technology makes it far to easy to torment someone - mass email campaigns, cell phone pics at inappropriate times, texting - kids are so connected now. What used to take a couple days to get around school now takes under hours - gee, what better ways to ruin somebody's life.
Some people just have that sociopathic tendency that makes them torment others without any thought whatsoever about compassion, empathy, or sympathy.
Most of us, at some point, realize that when we taunt someone, it hurts - and we wouldn't want to feel that way, so we stop it. Other people don't have that kind of mechanism in place.
My two cents: arm yourself with good information and nip it in the bud as soon as you possibly can, with as much fire power as you possibly can, and let school administration know (sometimes they are less than helpful) that you will not tolerate such behaviors directed toward your child or anyone else's -
This is one of my causes. My daughter was a victim of a bully. 2 years ago she was hit by a car after being chased by a group of girls on her way home from school. They threw wet newspapers and rocks at her. This was done because the boy that the bully liked was interested in my daughter instead of the bully.
Luckily, my daughter only suffered a broken leg. She had to have surgery and will have metal screws in her knee for the rest of her life. She will never be able to do squats, never be able to join the military, never be able to go through an airport without being held and questioned.
I can tell you in this instance, the girl bully is the way she is because of her upbringing and her size. She has a very sad life. Her mother and father are not together, her mother is a bar fly. She is angry and she throws around her size to intimidate others. She must cut others down to bring herself up. My daughter was once friends with this girl. In fact, this girl used to call my daughter and ask to spend the night with us saying her mother was going to the bar and she didn’t want to go with her or stay alone.
It is so sad to see the progression of from lunch money stealing bullies, to what our children have to deal with today.
Just last week my daughter and her friends organized a part in the national Day Of Silence to help end the bullying and harassment of gay and lesbian teens in their school.
I think social networking can take only a small part of the blame. I think the biggest blame lies in lax parenting. Children are not being taught to respect and accept others. They aren't being watched and do not know what is appropriate. They see way too much and know too much at a very early age.
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