You may know one or you may be one. By "one" I mean a mom who is afraid to take their child anywhere. You know, those moms who won't take their child out in public because they might "act up".
I was recently talking to a mom who won't take their almost two year old to the market because he takes the blueberries out of the cart and throws them. I actually know a lot of people who pretty much avoid the market because their kids might act up in one way or another. This same mom refused an invitation to go on a free vacation because she absolutely will not take her son on an airplane because he can't sit still for two hours. I personally know parents who did not go out to dinner anywhere for the first five years of their kids lives because their kids would be too loud and throw food in the restaurant. I could go on and on. How do these parents expect that their kids are going to learn to be in public if they just accept the fact that they won't? They seriously rearrange their lives and no longer take part in these things.
I have always been one to take my kids everywhere. My kids were eating in restaurants at only month's old, well not really eating, traveling on an airplane at five months old, and how on earth could I avoid the market? I love when I hear people say, "I can't go to the market today because I have the baby". Really? Now don't get me wrong, I definitely have had market moments. I would have my two year old in the front little seat of the cart with a newborn in her infant carrier inside the main part of the cart. The groceries were all piled up around the infant seat, underneath the cart, and surrounding my two year old in the front who loved to get into my bag which was also sitting right there next to him. And the airplane? I had many of those stressful moments. I remember pushing the air out of the baby bottle and squirting the milk all over the guy behind me all while the baby was crying for his bottle.
We really don't have to put our lives on hold because we have a child. Kids really are welcome out there. And, even more important, how will the child learn to behave in public if they never are in public? As long as you are prepared with things to keep them busy and ready for well, pretty much anything, because we all know how unpredictable kids are, I say go for it.
Do you take your kids out in public or are you too afraid of what may happen?
Do you hesitate to take your child in public because they may 'act up'?
Posted by Dalia (Generation X Mom) Labels: kids, parenting
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13 opinions:
I take mine in public, though I bet there are people who'd pay me to keep them home. I agree with you, though. Not only is it impractical to never go anywhere with the kids, it does the kids a disservice. They won't know how to behave if they aren't taught, and you can't teach them sitting at home.
Now, should the kids be at a pottery festival (such as the one took my 3 year old to yesterday)? Hell no. Lesson learned. Well, lesson re-learned. There are inappropriate places for children, but those are fewer than some might think.
I take mine out too, though sometimes I admit that I don't always want to take my 2.5 year old out to eat. He's not very patient let alone when he's hungry, so we try to go places that have bread or chips or order something small at first to hold him over.
You're right, how are they supposed to learn how to act in public if you never take them?
My issue was taking my step son to the store. He thought he could just tell me what he wanted and throw a fit if he didn't get it, and he was 8 or 9 at the time. His plan was throw a fit, so I would give him what he wanted to shut him up. It only took one time of making him stand at the end of each row in silence as punishment to make him realize this is not how you act in public. Of course it helped that some of his friends from school happened to walk by and see him punished.
Too many parents are ready to throw their hands up and accept this behavior. I know if I would have thrown a fit in public my Mom would have beat my butt (not that I am advocating that). Just saying it was not acceptable.
I am lucky as my 3 year old is very good when we are out, most of the time. She is great in restaurants because we go places where we know she will enjoy the food and the experience and she is a slow eater and a delightful dinner companion. I would never take her with me to get my hair done or anything that required her to completely entertain herself in strange surroundings but other than that, everything goes. How else is she going to learn about life?
My kids are actually better in public than at home! (So far - eldest is not quite two yet). I take them out all the time, but I admit I pick my outings. I prefer not to have them with me if I am going to be waiting hours for an appointment, or somewhere that is not child-friendly (e.g. university library). Shops, cafes, parks, general council library etc, they are generally with me.
I agree that it is good to help your kids learn appropriate public behaviour and patience in certain situations (without pushing it too far). I also try to be prepared with colouring books and toys for situations where we will be sitting for awhile.
We've always taken our daughter everyone. It's very manageable having just one kid. I do remember wanting to jump out of the moving car a few times when we drove the 30 minutes home from Costco. Remembering those early days reminds me of how she hated the car.
And I've had to take her out of restaurants to calm down a few times.
I agree that learning how to behave in the world takes hands on experience. It's just not always fun.
I take them everywhere, come what may... Well, not extremely grown up places, like the theater, but most anywhere else. I find most people are actually pretty tolerant, even in the worst (blueberry throwing type) circumstances!
I have hesitated but latley my little girl has been fun to hang out with. I just have to make sure the timing is right. Not at naptime
When my kids were much younger, taking them in public depended on whether it was nap time or if they were just having one of those days where they were constantly on the edge and it would be better to limit the amount of time spent anywhere. You know how it is: 18 errands to run, so you everything has to be timed "just . . . right" so there are no major eruptions.
Hey, kids are kids, and even at the most unexpected times things can happen. One minute they're all sunshine and lollipops and the next it's like they've been possessed.
You have to take your children places so they learn how to behave. Work with it in small increments if necessary - going out to eat? Great - don't do it though, after a full day of the art museum, a lengthy church service, a theatre production, walking miles and miles for shopping, and no nap.
Common sense is needed. If the kid is falling asleep in his plate alternating with loud and whiny tantrums, maybe going to the grocrey store after dinner isn't such a good idea.
I have to admit that I did not take my middle child anywhere for several years unless there was no choice. She was just awful. It didn't matter how consistent I was about not giving in to whining or explaining proper restaurant behavior. I'm talking way past her toddler stages and well in to elementary school she still didn't get it. If it wasn't for starting school we would have starved to death because I never got passed the 2cd isle without having to leave the store. This is supposed to work but didn't with her. She couldn't have cared less if we went home if she didn't get her way. Otherwise I just tried to stare straight ahead and get through it as quickly as possible. She is 16. She seems to have finally figured it out which is good because otherwise I was afraid we might have to put her in a convent someday like they did in the middle ages because she was so socially unacceptable.
While my DD was great to take out, my twins were not. I only took them out when necessray, especially since my DS was a darter. He'd run off and I'd be left with his twn sister hoping she would not run the other way (which she sometimes did).
When I did take them out, because I simply HAD to, it was with great stress in my stomach.
Our son is "that" kid...the one that throw a HUGE temper tantrum in the middle of Target. He is not easy to take out anywhere, and just not an easygoing kid in general. So yes I avoid going out with him whenever possible. I often wonder what it's like to have a child who is well-behaved in public! ;)
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