Are we heading towards a world of no respect? It seems that slowly over time respect has gone down the drain. When I think about the way people lived back in the 1950's it seems it was all about respect. Men opening car doors for women, kids addressing adults as Mrs., Mr, or Sir. Slowly with time respect seems to not take center stage any more.
So many kids today have no idea what respect is. What happen to 'respect your elders'? Sure kids will get upset with their parents from time to time. That is normal. But is it really acceptable for kids to be dropping the F-bomb and yelling as loud as possible at their parents? Is this acceptable? Not in my book. My son knows kids who do just this. What gets me is that these kids are still doing all the things they want to do. Where is the repercussion?
Look at the teens in the workforce today. I don't remember the last time the person at the grocery checkout looked me in the eye and acknowledged me. They are usually off talking to the other teen about who went out last weekend or what they are going to do in five minutes when they are done with their shift.
This is not just tweens and teens. I see this with elementary-aged kids. Kids telling (well, yelling at) their parents and insisting that they will not do what they are asking them to do, and the parents are caving and giving in.
I believe this is not the fault of our kids, but the parents. Basically kids are controlling their parents today. Why is this? Why are parents so lazy as to let their kids control them? Is it laziness or is it the parents wanting their kids to 'be happy' (in reality 'be spoiled'). I hate to always blame things on parents, but guess what...that is what it is. It all really comes down to what parents are teaching their kids. Parents need to teach their kids respect. Respect for other people and for other things. What is sad is that I see this more often than not. And, one of the problems is that most of these parents are in denial and have no idea what they are doing. It makes me think that slowly over time our world will be filled with a bunch of disrespectful people.
What do you think? Do you know kids and parents like this?
UPDATE:
I recently saw an interview on the Today Show with the author of You're Not the Boss of Me: Brat-proofing Your Four-to-Twelve-Year-Old
She explained how sometimes kids have to suffer. In instances where kids are constantly asking you to do things for them such as asking "Where is my jacket?" and expecting you to provide it for him. She suggests let the child go without a jacket and 'suffer' and then maybe he will remember to start taking responsibility for himself. I think a lot of parents these days are afraid to do this.
She also said to treat your kids with respect and listen. She said to put down the Blackberry and turn off the computer and take some time to listen to your kids. You are a role model and need to show respect. This I think is a huge thing in today's world. How can we teach respect if we are not showing the respect ourselves?
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17 opinions:
I agree with you. I grew up knowing better than to talk back to my parents let alone yelling at them. Its all the about the parents wanting to keep their kids happy and be their best friends. My hubby's brother and wife are doing this to their little girl. They let her get away with everything just because they dont want to deal with her screaming. I pray this doesnt happen within our family.
i agree... one of the kids on my sons little league team told his mother to shut the f up... she was mortified and of course i had to say "if he was mine I would of ripped him off that feild.." but my sons know.. we (me and hubby ) are to be treated with respect...as well as all adults... you nailed it when you said parents are lazy... hugs!!!!
The fault does lie with the parents. I have found that many parents don't want to replicate the way they were brought up so they try to be "friends" with their children. My kids have enough friends. It's my job to parent them and teach them respect.
Shoot, I wish one of my kids would dare drop an F-bomb or raise their voice to me ... the result would NOT be pretty.
The fault does lie with the parents. I do believe however that it is unintentional. In the effort to give children more than we had, we are giving (and giving in) to much. The kids then take this and run with it, as kids will do. I will fully admit that I have a severe respect issue with my youngest daughter. She is with her father every other weekend and he has never disciplined her or commanded respect from her at all. It is becoming a nightmare. I do believe that most of this isn't the result of lazy parenting, its the result of good intentions. But you know what they say about good intentions...
I completely agree with you but how do we teach them respect? I just did a post about my kids not respecting our things. We have always tried to instill good manners in them and to respect their elders. We have used different methods of punishment such as spankings, time outs, taking things and priveleges away. All in all I have 2 good kids but I still feel they could definitely be more respectful both to me and my husband and to our belongings. Any suggestions?
I agree about the lack of respect and on whose fault it is. People think they are entitled for some reason. I just can't even believe some of the stuff I hear people say.
My mom is a baby boomer, and she says it's all her generation's fault!
You have to earn respect - so if your kids don't respect you then you only have yourself to blame. How you behave, how you treat your kids is what it is all about. Simple as that. As for respect back in the 60's for parents I think some of the deference shown then was not due to respect but more fear, or growing up in a household where people did not express themselves.
The blame lies solely on the parents. They cave in to everything. Back in the 1980's, as an early childhood major, I learned about what is wrong with the following:
How many of you do this:
"Honey, we are going to the store, then we will go to the park, OKAY?"
Umm, you are asking PERMISSION from your CHILD to do something! Too much power to give a child. Drop the "okay" and be in charge.
Yes, public tantrum and scenes are embarassing, but parents need to teach their kdis right from wrong.
Unfortunately, when my kids were in preschool, I saw many moms on their cell phones while walking into school, while picking up from school, as soon as they got into the car...why should a child respect a parent who ignores them for others?
If my kid ever dropped an F bomb on me inpublic, they would ot be in public for a LONG TIME!
I'm with you on this. We teach our kids to reply with "mam" or "sir" when we call their name and to always say it with yes or no.
This part of your post struck a cord with me: "I don't remember the last time the person at the grocery checkout looked me in the eye and acknowledged me".
I was thinking this just yesterday! I was checking out at a store yesterday and she didn't say a WORD to me. I was so happy and chipper - I wanted to smile and say thanks, but nope. Maybe I'm just weird, but if you work in at a job where you deal with customers you have to be interactive.
I liked that Today show spot, too, and I completely agree with everything you said here. This is a pet peeve of mine.
Ever since our two boys were tiny, we've told them that the most important thing in life is to treat other people with kindness and respect. And at 12 and 15, they're both very kind, caring kids. But you're right, I'm often appalled at the way many kids treat others today.
Hey, I'm not saying we're perfect parents - we've certainly made our share of mistakes! But I do think teaching kids to treat other people with respect is the most important job we do as parents.
I think you're right - lots of parents are afraid to say no to their kids or apply any kind of discipline - they think their kids will be happy if they're allowed to do anything they want...but that often has the opposite effect. I agree with Angelia that we want to give our kids more than we had but it can end up spoiling them.
And how to teach respect? I think it comes down to modeling that behavior yourself. Do you treat your kids with respect? How about strangers in stores or on the road? Kids copy what they see.
Great discussion, as always!
Sue
www.greatbooksforkidsandteens.com
My husband works for a college campus, and our biggest complaint about the freshman classes every year is how progressively disrespectful they have become. It's like they think the world owes them something.
P.S. I left something for you on my blog.
My almost-five-year-old knows that the first question out of my mouth when I pick him up from school is, "What did you do today?" and the second is "Did you use your manners?" He now answers the first question, "We played freeze tag, painted boxes, listened to a story and I used my manners and said please and thank you!" Of course, he's the kid who would be mortified to be corrected in public, so he's always polite. I hope that tendency sticks around for a long, long time...
Wow, Dalia, you really came up with a thought-provoking post. I kept thinking about it while I made dinner!
I realized there's another prominent reason for the decay in respect - media. Kids copy what they see in TV and movies, and it seems that most of them today include at least one wise-cracking kid who everyone thinks is hilarious.
Think about the family sitcoms we watched growing up - The Brady Bunch, Happy Days, Leave it to Beaver, and later, The Cosbys - all had respectful kids (but were still funny!). Now consider today's family sitcoms...well, first of all, there are few prime time TV shows that I even want my kids to see! We only recently began allowing our kids to watch The Simpsons (our youngest is 12!). Kids watch all those shows on Nick and Disney, but those are filled with wise-cracking kids, too.
Add to that the fact that parents often don't even watch tv and movies with their kids anymore. Kids have tvs in their rooms and watch movies in the back seat of the car, so parents aren't even there to stop and discuss disrespectful behavior when it appears.
There's also a trend to allowing ever-younger kids to watch stuff that's not intended for them - little kids going to PG-13 movies and watching sitcoms like Two and a Half Men or How I Met Your Mother (great shows but definitely not for kids!) Of course, that gets back to the fact that there is nothing on prime time that is appropriate for kids anymore.
OK, glad I got all that off my chest! ha ha ha
Thanks for all the food for thought!
Sue
I could not agree more. Even at 32 years old, I feel uncomfortable calling my elders/friends' parents/etc by their first names. It's the way I was raised. A couple years ago, I was driving my car down the street and three boys that couldn't have been older than 10 years old were throwing rocks into the street. So I stopped and rolled down the window and asked politely if they could stop doing that because they were likely to hit a car (like MINE). They CUSSED ME OUT. I was horrified. I wondered if their parents knew that they talked to adults like that and I wondered if they talked to their parents like that.
My three younger brothers are all well mannered and polite to adults, but sadly it seems like that kind of respect is going out of style these days.
No way. No way is respect dead or outmoded. Respect will make a comeback. there's always a backlash against extremes. Sometimes we swing too far to one side in reaction to something, before we find the right balance.
Yes there is way more permissiveness and kids seem to get away with back-talk, rudeness and lack of manners... but when those little brats get out in the real world they will find that the world does not IN FACT revolve around them. Sadly the parents that spoil their kids are setting them up for a hard life.
Because in the adult world, respect and trustworthiness and hard work will still take you far.
And a crappy attitude, laziness and arrogance will never make you any friends.
So those kids will learn the hard way alright... it'll just be way later (and maybe TOO late)
But in the end I think there will be more of a swing away from the PC crap that our generation has sadly bought into and we'll remember that we ARE THE PARENTS and stop trying to be the kids best friend and keep them happy. We'll take a longer term view and realise that learning to live with a NO now, is going to be way less painful for them than finding out that they are unemployable and unlikeable. x
I teach preschoolers and I am always amazed at how some parents allow their children to treat them.
Those same kids quickly learn that they can't act that way in my classroom. They are really good, sweet kids. Yet once they are picked up, they go right back to being brats. It just breaks me heart.
I do have to say though, that most of the preschoolers are well mannered and respectful, as are the kids that my teens hang out with. I think it may be a case of a few rotten apples spoiling the barrel.
I definitely feel there has been a shift...I think it seems to have a lot to do with a lack of consequences....which I think goes back to us as parents...I know I see children get away with so much more than I would ever have gotten away with...and it has created a generation of children who feel entitled and show little respect....What I see now though are parents with children my son's age....are understanding of this shift...and are making strides to put respect/discipline back into the home! Happy SITS day!
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